Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Breaking up is hard to do...a prickly situation

I find myself in a prickly situation.  I have an acquaintance that wants to be my friend.  I wish I had interest in being her friend, but I don't.  I have told her in voicemail and in email that I am busy and don't have time right now to see her/talk, etc.  But no matter how many times I have ignored her calls, her emails and her instant messages, she continues to call.  I have been cruel to her, and I don't like that about myself.  However, she is needy.  Needy to the point that I know she is being sent as a test to practice my boundary setting.  But it is so hard. She needs help next week for a medical situation, and truly has no friends to help her.  I feel like I need to help because she is in a bind, and I have no real reason to say No.  Except that I want to.  I have said Yes, and that I will drive her home.

But after that, I have to start my alienation plan again.  I don't want to.  I wish she would get the hint that I don't have time for more neediness in my life.  But she doesn't get the hint.  My therapist tells me that I should write her an email to say "I'm sorry, but I am very involved.  I don't have time to give to a new friendship."  It feels mean to me, but it is true.  I'm not allowed say "right now" or "at this time" because it will give her hope that another time I would be open to friendship with her.  What do you think?  Should I send it?

Have you ever had to break up with a friend?  Do you have any advice?

1 comment:

  1. I think your therapist is right. Send the email.

    It is not your fault that she has no friends and is in fact a huge warning flag to step away. There is no harm in being kind, but be firm with people who want to insert themselves into your life when you have no interest.

    This does not make you a bad person. Take care of yourself, you have a right to say no.

    Let us know how it goes. This is a topic which will be helpful to others and is good of you to share.