Vermont Weekend

A couple of weeks ago, one of my best friends had her baby a little early while visiting family in Vermont. 

This weekend, I brought up a bunch of her baby stuff from her Boston home to her, and got to visit with the babe a little too!  She is about a month early, but doing really well even though she is teeny.  Just under 4 lbs, they were limiting who was able to hold her, but I did get some time to talk to her, and take a few shots.

My friend is wary of sharing baby photos online, so I promised there would be no exposes.  I have a few good ones for her eyes only, but that hospital lighting was hard to work with!

Here's what I was up to last weekend: 

The weather on the way down was sunny and chilly.

But the combination of the sun and snow was hard to resist.

Permission to Just Live

    By the Bonfire @ Camp Shutter Sisters, Monterey, CA


Storytime by the bonfire was my defining moment at Camp Shutter Sisters in October.  Jen Lemen, the amazing, beautiful and soulful Jen Lemen, told us a bedtime story that night.  It was a story I knew because I have been reading her writing for years on her blog.  I remember being in such awe hearing about it the first time that I had to be a part of it all somehow. 

The story she shared that night was about giving ourselves permission.  Permission for what?  Anything we wanted.   What a concept that is.  You mean I can do anything I want, no restrictions, no judgement?  What would that look like?  My own self-criticism and fear of what others think of me has held me back for so long.  The family member who criticizes my photos, the friend that asks 'why are you going on a trip with strangers, aren't you done growing yet?",  they are the ones who just don't get it.  The truth is, they don't matter.  What matters is what I think.  What my supporters think.  I really hope to continue developing friendships with some of the women I met at camp, who just seem to understand this need to show my life through my lens.  

I attended Camp Shutter Sisters hoping to find my soulmates in photography. It was total camp.  I had a roommate, ate questionable food in the cafeteria and stayed up too late with friends chatting.   There were a few cliques, moments of butterflies in the stomach, and feeling fulfilled again.  There was that, but also moments of distance.  For me, photography really is a solitary sport.  Being together with others, seeing their work, understanding their process, and sharing some of mine really did open me up for new worlds ahead.  Worlds I don't even have a concept of.  Giving myself permission now to just live. 

Live without judgement.  Live without fear.  Just Live.

Winter Photo Walk

K and I went for a Photo Walk in the rain on Sunday.  We walked along the Charles River through Waltham and Watertown.  And we did more photos than walking.

Although it was icy and wet, it was wonderful! All I had with me was my Nikon Coolpix point and shoot, but I still grabbed a few shots that I like.  K was playing around with her new Diana lens.

At the end, we stopped at Russo's in Watertown.  Could be my favorite new store.  It's really amazing!

I'm Being Santa'd

After a long day of talking to estate attorneys and life insurance companies, I opened my mailbox to find that I am being Santa'd.  I don't know how, or who.  But all the return postmarks say "Santa".

I am crying because whoever set this up, I want you to know how much I appreciate it.

In my mail today there was a little notepad that says "Chocolate is the answer - who cares what the question is!" My sentiments exactly.  I bought a bucket load of chocolate today to make my Peppermint Bark for Christmas this year.  Maybe I should just break into the chocolate myself...

And then there was my favorite, absolute favorite print from Mae Chevrette's collection.  I hope she won't mind me sharing the image here.

I didn't tell everyone this, but one of the last things my Mom said to us in the hospital was that she was on the most beautiful, serene beach in the world.  She said was so happy, picking up rocks.  And that that was where we could find her, or look for her whenever we needed her.  We talked to her a lot in those last few days while she was unconscious about that beach, and how we hoped she was sitting in the sun, with the feel of the sand in her toes, the ocean crashing over the jetties.  I've been trying to remember that vision in my head, and then this print came along.  I love it, and it will help me to remember where to look for her.  I'm crying again.  But thank you, thank you, thank you.


Here's the link to Mae's Etsy shop.

Thank you all of you for taking such good care of me.  I am feeling very loved and supported.  If any elves want to say hello, feel free to drop me a line so I can thank you properly.

I'm off to turn on my tree lights and listen to some holiday music.

Reflections

Just a recent photo from this fall that I wanted to share. 

I'm sitting here keeping vigil in my Mom's hospital room.  It's 11pm, and after a very emotional family meeting, my brother and I just don't feel like leaving her tonight.

My brother has just left, and I'm going to stay a few more hours.  It's really for our sake, not hers, as she is resting comfortably right now.  I'm glad for it.  She needs the rest to have a chance of fighting the battle she will have to fight in the next few days.  We hope and pray that she will be up for it, but we are prepared for the worst as well.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I had hoped to be sharing my Mom's Cardamom rolls recipe tonight with you.  Since we've been in the hospital all week I haven't had the energy, will or time to bake and photograph.  But as it one of my favorite holiday recipes, I guess it will have to be a Christmas share instead. 

In the meantime, here are a few similar recipes I've found around the web:
Swedish Cardamom Rolls from Epicurious (very similar to my Mom's)
Jenna's Sweet Cardamom Rolls from Eat, Live, Run
One from Project Foodie

We're hoping to get out for an hour or so tomorrow, perhaps to my fathers (about an hour away), or even to a friend's house (more nearby).  My friends have been wonderful in checking in several times a day.  My best friend P sat with me for many hours while I waited a few days for my siblings to come in from around the country.  Then K took over, even staying overnight with me so I wouldn't be alone.  These are the times that I wish I had a partner, a husband, etc. to lean on for support.  Instead I am relying on my friends' kindness and generosity to get me through.

So, besides being thankful that my Mom is here for another day, I am thankful for my wonderful friends.  I hope that on this day of Thanksgiving, you too are surrounded by your loved ones.


Happy Thanksgiving to you.  I am grateful for so many things, and you are one of them.

Babies, Oh Babies

I'm co-hosting a baby shower this afternoon for my best friend K.  She & her wife are expecting twins in January, and there are about 50 people coming to the shower.  Yikes!  I finished the food shopping yesterday, and made my pumpkin bread today. Unfortunately, it is not cutting well.  In fact, it is just falling apart.  Pumpkin bread fail.  Boo.

I'm hoping to get at least 20 or so pieces out of it that look halfway decent.  Not sure if it will work!

I wanted to give you just a quick recap of yesterday's events.

The 5K run was interesting.  I was one of the slower folks there, although I think I beat a few 70 & 80 year olds.  My finish time was 32:30.  Not a speed racer, I know.  Then, one of my friends, C, won Club Box tickets to last nights Bruins' game against the St. Louis Blues.  I've never been in the Club area at TD Garden, so it was fun!

All I had with me was my cell phone, so the pics are a little lacking...

Christie with our great tickets!

Great seats!

If you do nothing else, you have to make this for Thanksgiving! Brown Butter Pumpkin Cake

Since I got no help or response on my last post asking for food/diet help, I decided to ditch it all and make cake! Actually, it's my friend Kristen's bday, and I promised her a pre-Thanksgiving dinner. Included in tonight's festivities is a scrumptious Brown Butter Pumpkin Cake from my new Fine Cooking subscription! I modified the recipe slightly from the one Fine Cooking provided. I used a can of pumpkin, substituted Eggbeaters for the eggs, and I didn't make the topping because nuts are not allowed tonight! Also, I made it in a 9x13 pan.

But other than, it's this recipe from Fine Cooking's Autumn magazine.

Here my version:

6 oz. (3/4 cup) unsalted butter
9 oz. (2 cups) unbleached all-purpose flour; more for the pans
1-1/2 tsp. baking soda
1-1/2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1 tsp. ground ginger
3/4 tsp. table salt
1 tsp. chinese five spice
1-1/2 cups granulated sugar
2/3 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
1/2 cup Eggbeaters
1/3 cup buttermilk

Position a rack in the center of the oven and heat the oven to 350°F.

Pam spray and flour a 9x13 glass or aluminum pan.

Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat.  I swirled it for about 4 minutes, watching for a small layer of bits to brown on the bottom of the pan.  Once that starts to happen, remove from heat.  Watch carefully, as it takes little to burn!  Pour into a separate bowl and let stand. 

In a medium bowl, whisk the flour, baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, salt, and cloves. In a large bowl, whisk 1-1/2 cups of the pumpkin with the granulated sugar, brown sugar, eggs, and buttermilk until very well blended. With a rubber spatula, stir in the flour mixture until just combined.

Gently whisk in the brown butter until completely incorporated.

Pour into prepared 9x13 pan.

Bake the cake until a tester inserted in the center comes out clean, about 32 minutes. Let the cake cool  completely in the pan.

Meanwhile, you can start the frosting!

4 oz. (1/2 cup) unsalted butter
8 oz. cream cheese, at room temperature
1/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
5 oz. (1-1/4 cups) confectioners’ sugar

Melt the butter in a saucepan over medium heat as above.  Pour into a small bowl and let stand until the solids settle at the bottom of the bowl, about 5 minutes. Carefully transfer the bowl to the freezer and chill until just firm, about 18 minutes. Using a spoon, carefully scrape the butter from bowl, leaving the browned solids at the bottom; discard the solids.

Using an electric mixer, beat the butter, cream cheese, and brown sugar on medium-high speed until light in color and the brown sugar has dissolved, 2 minutes. Gradually beat in the confectioners’ sugar and continue beating until fluffy, 1 to 2 minutes.

It's time to frost the cake!

Spread evenly over the cake, and then put into the refrigerator to chill.

I sprinkled the top with confectioners sugar and some extra cinnamon powder.

Happy Birthday Kristen!

We will be sampling it tonight, but if the batter is any indication, we are in for a treat! :)

Hope you enjoy!

Breaking up is hard to do...a prickly situation

I find myself in a prickly situation.  I have an acquaintance that wants to be my friend.  I wish I had interest in being her friend, but I don't.  I have told her in voicemail and in email that I am busy and don't have time right now to see her/talk, etc.  But no matter how many times I have ignored her calls, her emails and her instant messages, she continues to call.  I have been cruel to her, and I don't like that about myself.  However, she is needy.  Needy to the point that I know she is being sent as a test to practice my boundary setting.  But it is so hard. She needs help next week for a medical situation, and truly has no friends to help her.  I feel like I need to help because she is in a bind, and I have no real reason to say No.  Except that I want to.  I have said Yes, and that I will drive her home.

But after that, I have to start my alienation plan again.  I don't want to.  I wish she would get the hint that I don't have time for more neediness in my life.  But she doesn't get the hint.  My therapist tells me that I should write her an email to say "I'm sorry, but I am very involved.  I don't have time to give to a new friendship."  It feels mean to me, but it is true.  I'm not allowed say "right now" or "at this time" because it will give her hope that another time I would be open to friendship with her.  What do you think?  Should I send it?

Have you ever had to break up with a friend?  Do you have any advice?

The Last Summer Meal

This meal felt like the last summer meal because I used so much fresh produce.  The weather has changed here in Boston, and I'm afraid the fresh veggies are on their way out...well, that's how it felt anyway.

Swiss Chard

Yummy juicy tomatoes

Fresh Zucchini

Last week we got to celebrate my friend Kristine's birthday, and what a feast we had.  I had just a couple folks over to my house.  Kristine likes to keep her birthdays quiet.

Christie brought homemade macaroni and cheese.  I'm sorry to say I did not get a good photo of it.

I made the sides.  Here's what I decided on:

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  Sauteed Polenta Tomatoes

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  Sauteed Zucchini and Proscuitto

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  The final meal.  It was so delish :)  Oh look, there's the mac & cheese

  We celebrated with some yummy Marques de Caceres Rioja and amazingly did not quite finish the bottle.  Maybe because two of the three of us had to get up for work the next day.  (Hint:  I am not one of them.)  :)

I did get to finish it myself tonight.  Oops.  It was so good, and felt like a great welcome to fall. 

It was great to get to celebrate with Kristine and Christie.  It had been too long since we got together, and we caught up for many hours.

Happy Birthday Kristine :)

Good Clean Fun

I had a great weekend full of exercise (not the normal kind), good food, and considerable amounts of alcohol.

So today is penance.  I am up and at 'em for some some good clean fun today, starting with a Peach Green Smoothie with lots of cinnamon and chinese five spice to liven it up.  I felt like I needed some fresh vitamins, protein and a bit of a chill to get me going this morning.  You'll notice the FRS chews in the pic as well.  Can't hurt to add a little extra punch now can it?

Friday night I helped my friends Kristen & Chris move their house from one level to the top two levels.  It's funny because although they are living in the same house, we still had to pack everything to move it upstairs.  Tons of weight lifting, stairs and bending done this night.  They are expecting twins in January 2011 and need the extra space of the upper apartment. We had awesome flatbread pizza from Flatbread Co. in Davis Square as a reward.  Yummm.

Saturday I spent running errands and setting up for my friend Kevin's 40th birthday.  Sorry Kevin, now everyone knows you are 40.  It's nothing to be ashamed of.  I saw some of your dance moves last night, and you rock.  :)  Great BBQ from Famous Dave's BBQ in Portland, Maine, lots of Layer Cake Primitivo (Kev's favorite wine right now) and Vodka Tonics.  This morning I am feeling the alcohol intake...thus the penance.

I'm off for some good clean fun this afternoon.  Apple picking at Dowse Orchards in Sherborn, Massachusetts.  I'll share some photos if there is anything to share.  I haven't been to this orchard yet, so I'm hoping for a new favorite.

What are you up to on this beautiful Sunday?

Swimming in the Rain

Maine Wood Shack - don't you love the colors?

This summer has been full of travels, so I'll take some time the next few posts to fill you in!

I spent a couple of days up north in Center Lovell, Maine last week.  My friend Caitlyn was in town from Montana and seeing her meant driving to Maine!  But, I was up for it! North to Kezar Lake we go!!

As a lifelong friend I get to be family for these sort of visits.  I spent my time with them kayaking, playing UNO with the 5 year olds, wintergreen gathering and swimming in the rain. 

There is never enough time for reading, napping, etc. with these folks, but I got some “me” time by capturing a few moments of peace in the rain. 

The dock in the rain.

Compound fields

The cabin at night

Caitlyn & Madison

Gathered wintergreen

Sweetness Personified

Cousins are the best

The Kindness of Strangers (or Friends)

I continue to be amazed at the ways that the Internet can bring people together. 

While a considerable number of my friends are dropping their Facebook accounts because of jealousy at their friends' supposedly great lives, or seeing too much information about an ex's new life, I have had the opposite experience.

I've been struggling with a few family issues recently, and feeling quite alone.  Sometimes I don't want to talk about it with my real life friends because it is too personal and vulnerable.  But somehow, in the midst of all of the rudeness you can find on the web, I have found kindness.

I asked a bloggy friend (a real life stranger) to reframe an experience I had with my mother recently, and in return she provided me with the kindness I wish my real life friends could.  I was able to be vulnerable in the safety of her blog, and she responded with gentleness and a level of challenge for me to see the situation differently.

Here's what I challenge you to do:  reach out to other people that you may see in your daily life that are struggling. It may be in reading someone's blog needing a supportive comment, or even a friend that simply needs an hour off from her children.  Reach out and be kind.  It is so appreciated.