Thursday, November 24, 2011

What is Missing?

I wake up today and think,
what is missing?
My mother's voice.
Her smell.
My responsibility.
The sadness over losing her is still there,
but a new question emerges instead.
What do you want to do today?
It's been so long
my dreams suppressed
my hopes hidden.
Time to dig them out again,
dust them off,
and see what still shines.

This is a hard day for me.  One year ago, we were making the decision to end life-extending care for my Mom, with nothing to feel thankful on that day.  This year has passed quickly as I handled cleaning up and sorting out all the bits of my her life.  I am grateful that work is done.  Grateful to have a chance to focus again on my own life.  Some of my friends are facing sad or dramatic things right now, and I wish I could make it better for them, yet today I am so thankful that for once, my life is o.k.

I've been thinking that the next year could start now.  I don't have to wait until January 1st.  I could start on Monday, the day after my Mom's anniversary.  There are so many things I want for my life that I've been keeping quiet, allowing instead the drama of care-taking to take over.  That is gone now.  Nothing is holding me back now.

I am grateful for all of my friends and family, near and far.  Those that have passed on will always be in my heart.  I hope you have a truly beautiful Thanksgiving.

What are you grateful for today?


  1. Although the loss is still new for me, I am grateful for the restoration process. It is doing its work little by little and with it comes a heightened sensitivity to those that are experiencing losses too. I am grateful for your words to day and your friendship. Love Amy

  2. Really beautiful, Jeanne. Sending you love.
    - Chris