Saturday, January 2, 2010

Close Your Eyes, Have No Fear

Beautiful Boy by John Lennon
Close your eyes, Have no fear, The monsters gone, He's on the run and your "mommy's" here
Before you cross the street,
Take my hand, Life is just what happens to you, While you're busy making other plans

(a few lines of lyrics from this beautiful song)

I am sitting here wrestling with a few things. I've just stopped yelling at my cat for yet again pooping outside of her litter box. I had just finished picking up another pile, cleaned the box, cleaned the floor, etc., and then 5 minutes later she had left me a large present. I was so angry. I yelled at my cat and put her in her litter box several times. I don't know what I was doing. I am so sorry Samantha. I'm just frustrated. I've picked her up and stroked her since then, apologizing, but I know it isn't enough. Somehow I have to find out what is causing this behavior. Hers and mine.

My house is in complete disarray and I am trying to get it cleaned up, but it is taking a lot of my energy. I have a sinus infection and I am just so tired! Last night I was asleep by 10pm! But I think some of her behavior is tied to my behavior. Have you ever seen those drug commercials where they say "who does depression hurt?" "everyone" and they show the dog looking just as sad as it's owner? That's how I feel. My cat is mimicking my issues.
I'm sorry Sam. I have to take care of myself so that I can take care of you. And this is my resolution as simple as it sounds. I am struggling tonight but I think I have heard you, and Mommy's here.

Isn't she beautiful?

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