Thursday, February 11, 2010

No More Looking Back

Do you ever find yourself looking back at old times in your life, wondering about the people in your life, wondering if you made the right choices, wondering if you are where you are supposed to be?

Are you as masochistic about it as I am?  Do you reread letters, look at pictures and wonder what your life would have been if you have stayed and tried to make it work?  You know it's not good for you, but you do it anyway? 

That was me last night.  I've been looking through really old photos trying to find some kitten photos of Sam, and looking for those, I came across photos of my old life, my old relationship.  And I indulged myself.  I allowed myself to read two of the last letters I ever got from him.  Gorgeous heartfelt love letters from within the last month of our life together.  And I went to bed heartsick. 

There are reasons that I broke up with him.  He took me for granted.  He cheated on me.  We were too young.  He didn't see me in his future.

I know I am where I am supposed to be, but sometimes, just sometimes, I like to hurt myself by second-guessing the choices I have made. 

But I am going to try to stop looking back.  So, I can see the future (it's looking bright).

Moab 1999

Oh, and do you want to meet Samantha as a baby kitty?  Here she is at 2 months old.  So vicious but oh so cute.

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