Sunday, February 27, 2011

90 days out

I've been cleaning out my mother's house for the past few weeks, in between working part-time in the city and babysitting my nieces.  It was so nice to get back into Boston as I now live in a suburb that acts like a very small town.  I've been taking the bus to Oak Grove station, and it's full of people riding in for various corporate jobs in the city.  It's been so long since I've been part of a morning commute as I'm used to working from home!  Getting up early, dressing in corporate attire, and grabbing my coffee to go makes me feel like a real working girl again.

In the meantime, I've been working my way through 45 years of my mother's acquisitions at her house.  I spent the weekend there packing.  I'm trying not to get too stuck in the sorting mode.  There are things I want, or know my siblings may want, but none of us have a place to store it for now.  Then there are those things we know should go right into the dumpster I've got waiting in the driveway.  Then, there are those things that should be sold or donated.  Of course, a lot of these groupings overlap.  I'm fighting my mother's voice in my head telling me "don't throw that away, I found it in a great little boutique in Jerusalem", or "you might want to show your children that someday", or giving me other pause before I put in the donation pile. But, I know I can't take everything of hers to remember her by.  I can't get lost in her life and lose my own. 

After 45 years of collecting paper, collectibles, etc., I feel like I am barely making a dent though I've spent many hours already.  A long way to go yet, but I feel like there is something better waiting on the horizon.

Today is also the 90th day or 3 months anniversary of her death.  I've been tired and emotional and sad for the past few days, and today is no exception.  I have friends who have lost their parents, and they tell me that these anniversary days will sneak up on me.  I was surprised to see the 27th on my calendar today.  But I know my Mom was there with me every step of the way today. 

Hey Mom?  I could use some help deciding which realtor to choose.  Instead of whispering the memories, could you send me a little instinct?  :)  Love you.

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