I've been dreading today a little, and realized today that I didn't need to make today a sad day in order to remember Mom.
Instead, I am thinking about the happy things we did, the things I remember and want to remember about her.
- Spritz cookies at Christmastime. This will always be my embedded memory of her and I. Cooking together in our small orange (yes, 70's orange) kitchen, mushing together soft butter, sugars, eggs, almond extract, and flour. (To this day, almond flavoring and/or Amaretto are still my favorite smells and bring me right back there.)
- Other food memories: American chop suey, Norwegian Apple Pie, Chicken with Apples and Raisins (in a wonderful wine sauce), Glogg, her Blondies brownies (modified from yellow cake mix). I have found some of these recipes, but others I need to hunt more through her papers. I know they are there somewhere!
- Many deli lunches together at Joan & Ed's Jewish Deli.
- Shopping together at Christmas Tree Shops or other dangerous places like Target and Walmart.
- Road trips to Point Judith, RI, Marblehead, MA.
- Clam cakes at Aunt Carrie's and running into relatives there.
- A shared love of photography.
- Her love for her grandchildren (near and far).
- Her love for her extended family of relatives and friends.
- Her unending support of me and my dreams.
- I know she loved me and had my best interest at heart even though I sometimes felt otherwise.
I went down to visit her at the cemetery on Thursday, and we couldn't find her grave. It was morbidly funny, and we had to get the cemetery director to come show us her plot. Her headstone is not yet in place, so I left flowers and a card for her on the grass at her grave. It was a tough moment, but the rain kept me from dwelling too long. I hope to go back on a sunny day and plant something when her stone is in place.
I love you Mom. Happy Mothers Day. I hope you are walking on the beach somewhere, picking up shells and stones, and enjoying the sun on your back as you go. I'll be thinking of you all day, with a smile on my face.