Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Hiding in the Cloudy Shadows

I've been running on adrenaline for the past weeks since my Mom passed away.  Today was the first day that I haven't had to worry about estate issues, funeral payments, or finishing up a paper for school.  I finished my last paper for the semester yesterday, and I am ignoring the rest of my responsibilities. 

I started out with such good intentions, and was even somewhat productive.   I had to go to  CVS this afternoon to get some holiday cards.  It was full of mothers and children. The mothers were herding their children through the aisles and holding the littlest ones by the hand.

Every time someone mentions their parent or says "I love you" to their parent in front of me, I want to wrack with sobs.  It was just too much.  This afternoon I found myself back in bed, curled up tight in my down comforter, snoozing through the pain.  I was grateful to wake up again to the dark.

Time is passing without any notice to me.  I hope that someday I can look forward again. 

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