Thursday, December 2, 2010

I missed you the first moment you left

Tomorrow I will bury my mother.  It is unbelievable, and yet somehow, I am ready.  We have been prepping for the service & reception all week, and at this point I need to step back and let her go.  I spent the past few days looking through photo albums, finding very old photos of her, of us as a family, and creating new albums for the memorial.  She was an amazingly beautiful woman.  I always thought she looked like a young Grace Kelly.  Gorgeous porcelain skin, high cheekbones.  I'll post a photo later after the service.  I have her ashes in my dining room right now, amongst the photo albums and boxes of her photography.  I picked out a card to write her tonight at CVS, and it is probably the last one I will buy her.  It is a photo of a little girl with a phone in her hand.  I almost started crying in the aisle.  I will always want to call her to check on her, to share good news or a new recipe.  This experience has been one of the hardest I have ever gone through, from the actual process of death to the planning and arrangements and coordination that have to take place.  I am ready for a rest.  Tomorrow marks two weeks since I found her on the floor, and a rest is in order.  Please send good vibes tomorrow.  I can use all the help I can get.


  1. As a complete stranger you've never met, but who stumbled upon your blog and has followed your posts, life, struggles and triumphs for the past few months I just want to express my deepest condolences for the loss of your mother. She was lucky to have you as her daughter who loved her so much and cared for her so well. Thank you for courageously and honestly sharing your journey. My thoughts and prayers are with you today and will be for the hard days to follow...

    We must embrace pain and burn it as fuel for our journey. ~Kenji Miyazawa

  2. In a few days it will be 7 years since I lost my dad. A friend gave me some good advice to feel proud during the service of everything my dad did and what he stood for. My thoughts are with you and hope you get some rest. Make sure you take time to care for yourself and to spend time with good friends.

  3. I just saw the news about your mom and I am so sorry for your loss. Being on the road has made me feel distant from the people I like to check in with and I am sorry that I was unaware of your mom's condition or I certainly would have tried to offer some support. Big hugs to you now.

  4. Thinking about you today.